Flying Kytes, Hidden Deadpool
by The Queen of Asgard
Summary: Milo Kytes just wants to be a normal human. Go to parties, drink all she wants, NOT be teased about her height...just normal things. Everything changes when she's recruited by some weirdo in a red and black mask who won't stop going through her fridge, asking for Mexican food...No romance, just whimsical giggles. Rated T for Deadpool shenanigans.


-New York City, 0145-

The sky hung angry and loud over New York City, reflecting the glowing orange haze that would give any pollution activist a heart attack. Not that it really bothered me at all. It was warm for a late March night and getting warmer as I took another drag off my ciggarette, the cherry burning red underneath my nose, a cloud of smoke escaping my lungs.

"Hey, Milo."

I flicked the butt into the gutter and turned around to see someone standing a few feet behind me. He was tall with dark chocolate colored skin and closely cropped black hair. He wore a white tee shirt and sunglasses, even though it was night time.

"What do you want, Andrews?" I asked as he gave me a wry smirk and crossed his hands over his chest, leaning against the wall.

"I just wanted to come out and say hi. Can't a friend do that?" He asked in a good natured tone of voice. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, shoving my hands into the pocket of my leather jacket.

"You could...if you were my friend." I responded coldly as he brought a hand up to his heart, pretending to be hurt.

"Man, that cuts deep, girl."

"I have a feeling you'll survive." I said as I looked up at the sky, "It's gonna rain."

Andrews scoffed and then looked up at the sky as well, "Well, obviously."

I smirked and then began walking back towards the club, "Do you want to know what else is obvious?"

Andrews grinned and then leaned forward as if I was going to tell him a secret, "I'm already dying to know."

I walked over to him and then leaned in as if I was really going to tell him something important, "Those sunglasses," I said in a harsh whisper, "Make you look like a complete asshole."

Andrews laughed and took them off, grinning all the while, "Better?"

I shot him a grin before pulling out my cell phone. It was almost two and my head was already pounding from all the drinks I had consumed, "Much better. Hey, if you see Sarah, tell her I went home and make sure she doesn't go home with a creepy pedo guy. She's only 22."

"Only for a kiss, Milo." Andrews said as I laughed and then held up my hands to ward away his lips.

"Come on man! I just had a smoke!"

Andrews pretended to be hurt, "Alright, but next time you owe me like something fierce!" With a wave, I turned on my heel and, shoving my hands in my pockets, turned my head down from the chilly breeze that seemed to pick up. I knew the cool air would do me a world of good what with my slightly impared brain but I was also a target for whoever was out there...And it wasn't my safety I was worried about.

Finally, just as it began to rain, I walked through the front door of my shared apartment. Thank God for a good job to pay rent for this place because if I hadn't been working for Mr. Malone at Malone's Money Management, I would probably have to take up another job selling who knows what. Maybe children's clothing or something like that.

I stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the light, running a hand through my short, strawberry blonde curls. Completed with a pair of bright green eyes and freckles, I looked like I was about 16 years old. I had many an eyebrow raised in my general direction when I went to bars or on blind dates, sometimes making men sweat a little under their collar at the idea that a minor might be sitting across from them, holding her alcohol better than they were.

I was also short. Topped with the fact that I just barely graced 5' 1", I was hardly a force to be reconed with. Wincing at my reflection, I didn't even bother showering since I wasn't going anywhere in the morning. Shrugging off my jeans, tee shirt and shoes, I padded into a back room that I had claimed as my own and fell down onto the double mattress that was laying right in the middle of the floor. I turned my head and groaned, seeing there was a package on a small desk in the corner with my whole name on it.

"Margaret Veronica Kytes" The bold print of my mother's perfect handwriting declared as I turned my head back into my pillow and sighed. I had moved to New York to get away from my family and now that my mother had gotten ahold of my address, she made it her life's work to try and guilt trip me into coming back home with homemade snickerdoodle cookies and bottles of bubble bath. My home life had been anything but pleasant. Especially to the little rebel that was Milo, not Margaret, Kytes. Margaret was the name of someone's grandma while Milo...hell, Milo could be a rockstar or a DJ or something that wasn't normal.

I was definitely far from normal.

* * *

I awoke the next morning with a pounding at my door and a pounding at my head. Apparently I had drank more than I had originally anticipated. I groaned and sat up, realizing that my room was far dirtier than I had realized when I had come home the night before...and I was still in my skivvies.

I groaned and reached over for a glass of water I wasn't sure how old, knocking over a rock hard piece of pizza and a bottle of asprin. The little red pills went scurrying away like beetles as I swore under my breath and finally popped two of the little pills into my mouth, the rapping at my door still continuing.

"HOLD YOUR FUCKING HORSES!" I screamed in the general direction of the living room as I donned a pair of sweat pants and a giant tee shirt, slowly making my way towards the kitchen. The pounding at the door stopped but that didn't mean they were gone. I poured myself a cup of coffee and then walked back into my room, not even bothering to open the door. If it was that important, they would just have to come back...

_CRASH!_

"Son of a..." I started to say, grabbing a golf club from the bag that I never used...EVER. I didn't want to hurt anyone...And I knew I would hurt them a lot less with the golf club than without it.

"We know you're in here, Kytes." A man's reedy, South Jersey accent drawled as I winced and hid behind my door, clutching the club in hand.

"We don't want to hurt you, we just need you to come out slowly." Another man. This one sounded quite a bit heavier than the other one with a...Russian accent, "We just want to talk."

When I heard the gun click back, I knew that this wasn't quite true. I waited until I could see their figures through the crack in my bedroom door before holding my breath. The one who had the reedy voice was tall and had a wispy molestache and sort of looked like a rat. The other was even taller with cornrows that didn't quite match his pale appearance and had a pair of glasses perched on his nose.

"Sweet mother of God," Rat-Face said, pulling his sleeve over his nose, "Doesn't this girl clean?!"

"Apparently not," Cornrows responded as he stepped over a half eaten plate of mozerella sticks and raising his gun, "Come out, come out wherever you are, _dyevooshkah!"_

I was going to wait until they were in the middle of the room to render both unconcious. That went by the wayside when Rat-Face pushed on the door and felt it stick to something that probably wasn't wall, "Hey...what's...?"

"AHHHH!" I screamed as I attempted to bash his face in with the golf club. However, Rat-Face was a lot quicker than he looked and easily dodged the attack and swung around, trying to bean me in the face. However, my size, for once worked to my advantage because when he did this, his fist sailed over my head and his body's momentum kept him going as he tripped over my foot and went sprawling, knocking over an aquarium with several hermit crabs, all who were now very angry, onto his body.

He yelled in anger as the hermit crabs began to pinch at any exposed skin as Cornrows, raised his gun and charged at me. His blow knocked me across the room, my face instantly swelling up where his fist conntected with it. I hit the wall and he came back but I managed to hold onto the golf club, sliding it under his feet as he ran, also tripping him. I would have laughed out loud if I hadn't been so scared and my mouth hadn't been full of blood.

"Come on, just grab her!" Rat-Face was saying as he pried the last crab from the front of his shirt, "We don't need anything else from her!"

"This is true," Cornrows said as he stood and faced me. The whole left side of my face was swelling up as he placed the gun at my temples and thummbed back the hammer, "Miss Kytes, allow me and my comrade to introduce ourselves. I am Mr. Farley and this is Mr. Jakes. We represent a group called The Athena Project and we have need of your certain talent."

"Oh no..." I thought to myself miserably as I groaned, hardly able to open my mouth.

Rat-Face gets down and grabs my hair in his hand, wrenching my head back. I hissed in pain, "Look you little slut, either you're coming with us or you're coming with us in pieces, you got that?!"

I groaned and Rat-Face grins, "I'll take that as a yes."

During this whole debacle, nobody's noticed the weirdo in black and red Spandex and matching mask standing in my doorway, an AK-47 in hand.

"Hey," he said casually as the two turned around, "Who ordered room service?"

The two goons turned around to see him standing there, "Who the fuck are you?!" Rat-Face sneered as the guy in red shrugged.

"Oh, you know me!" He snickered before throwing me a glance, "Hey, you're Margaret, right?"

"Ummm..." I managed to mumble as he nods as if this is a good enough answer for him.

"That seems legit." The man in red said. The two men start to raise their guns to fire but the man in red beat them to the chase. With a pull of the trigger, bullets were flying everywhere, the two men fell dead at my feet and I could've sworn the guy was whistling while he did it.

Silence filled the room and I'm terrified this looney's going to shoot me too. "So...you said you were Margaret? Well, I assume you are because you'd be dead otherwise and I wouldn't get paid and that would just plain suck...for me, anyway."

I felt numb, like I had just been the survivor of some terrible event, "Do you have any burritos in your freezer?" I could feel him eyeing the mozerella sticks, "Ooh, cheese sticks!" He turned on his heel and left my door way, leaving the two corpses on the ground at my feet, still oozing blood from various holes in their bodies. How my downstairs neighbors didn't come running up to see what all the commotion was about was beyond me.

I could hear him rummaging around in the fridge as I roused and realized that I wasn't dead. Or at least, I wasn't dead yet. With shaking hands, I grabbed Mr. Farley's gun and slowly, silently, walked out into the hallway and cocked the gun like I had seen in the movies. It was louder than I had expected and it got the guy's attention.

"Do you have any marinara sauce?" He asked as he scooted a chair back and sat down.

"Hands where I can see them." I demanded as I pointed the gun at the stranger at the kitchen table.

Instantly, his hands are above his head and he turned his head to face me slightly. Even with the mask on, I can still tell he's exasperated, "It's not nice to point guns at people, lady."

'Who are you?' I attempted to say but it came out more as word vomit. He turned around and even through his mask, I could tell he wore a look of exasperation.

"None of your business. Although I think you should know that somebody's hired me to track you down."

I didn't answer, so he continued to talk, "I'm not with those...Othello..."

Athena." I managed to correct, my gun never waivering.

"Whatever," The guy said in a bored tone of voice, "Anyway, I've been instructed to bring you, UNHARMED, mind you, and it's not going to look good when I break your arm to get you to cooperate. By the way," He pointed to himself, "Deadpool," He then points back to me, "I saved your butt, you owe me. Now, where the hell are those cheese sticks?!"

* * *

**Now, to all those who have just arrived, welcome! To those who could pick it out, I know little to NOTHING about Deadpool. However, from what I know of his asshole-of-a-personality is that he's pretty damned awesome and so this came about. I guess it could go in a lot of different directions but I've really wanted to do this story line for quite some time. **  
**Now, in this story, there will be The Avengers (Aaaand because I'm a terrible person it's going to focus on the movie Avengers) and dabble in X-Men. I'm sorry. Don't hate me. I hope I can make it worth your while. **

**Milo Kytes (c) Me  
Deadpool, Avengers, etc. (c) The Man, Stan Lee (Oh, and also Marvel) **

**Dodging rotten tomatoes, **  
**Queenie**


End file.
